*BANGS HEAD AGAINST WALL*
Monday, 14 June 2010 15:01So, bitch has added a zine to its library called White Blackbirds, about woman who choose to be unmarried This sounds cool and fascinating (save for the queer Catholic woman who is waiting until she can get married in a Catholic church; I suspect that cool is not the adjective she would use for her story.)
However, in the comments, there are several commenters who are insisting that the idea of marriage is a completely unuseful tool of oppression that is on its way out, hooray!
And, look, here's the thing. I am 100% down with the idea that marriage (eh, let's narrow this down to USian marriage) has been, and for some relationships or legal and cultural purposes, still is a tool of the patriarchy. I also quite agree with people who think that there may be more pressing priorities for queers of all stripes (two parent adoption, ENDA, reforming the Benjamin SOC, stopping violence) than marriage.
Given all that, however, marriage basically does one really, really important thing. It makes you legally related to someone else. If you're not married to your partner, and they're not a relative, then the legal system treats them as a stranger to you. Strangers don't inherit your stuff or visit you in the hospital or get to make decisions about the welfare of your kids or pets when you get killed by a beer truck.
I…don't actually think it's a problem that the state makes you file paperwork to announce that you have, for many intents and purposes, adopted someone else as your primary relative. Your spouse shares more rights and responsibilities with you than your parents or your kids.
I think that marriage is not for everyone, and that we need to create a bigger social space for people like that. I think monogamy is not for everyone, and I wish we could have a serious discussion about a legal structure for making multiple people one's primary relatives. And life might be better if we could all start with a new word than marriage.
But marriage isn't useless, even for progressive secular humanist queers, and getting married doesn't make you a dupe or a patsy. IJS.
However, in the comments, there are several commenters who are insisting that the idea of marriage is a completely unuseful tool of oppression that is on its way out, hooray!
And, look, here's the thing. I am 100% down with the idea that marriage (eh, let's narrow this down to USian marriage) has been, and for some relationships or legal and cultural purposes, still is a tool of the patriarchy. I also quite agree with people who think that there may be more pressing priorities for queers of all stripes (two parent adoption, ENDA, reforming the Benjamin SOC, stopping violence) than marriage.
Given all that, however, marriage basically does one really, really important thing. It makes you legally related to someone else. If you're not married to your partner, and they're not a relative, then the legal system treats them as a stranger to you. Strangers don't inherit your stuff or visit you in the hospital or get to make decisions about the welfare of your kids or pets when you get killed by a beer truck.
I…don't actually think it's a problem that the state makes you file paperwork to announce that you have, for many intents and purposes, adopted someone else as your primary relative. Your spouse shares more rights and responsibilities with you than your parents or your kids.
I think that marriage is not for everyone, and that we need to create a bigger social space for people like that. I think monogamy is not for everyone, and I wish we could have a serious discussion about a legal structure for making multiple people one's primary relatives. And life might be better if we could all start with a new word than marriage.
But marriage isn't useless, even for progressive secular humanist queers, and getting married doesn't make you a dupe or a patsy. IJS.